You Were There For Me
by jules70
Summary: This is my continuation of the season 4 episode, Besieged. A strong friendship begins to develop between Rachel Burke and John Grant. I hope you enjoy the story. Reviews are appreciated.


Profiler—Rachel and John

1 Week after "Besieged" –Slightly Alternate Universe

Rachel Burke, overwhelmed by the trauma of having to shoot a rapist at her college and a troubling family situation (see "Besieged"), seeks John Grant's help.

Please note: This is a "re-post". I had posted this story previously, and the "Live Preview" indicated that the correct content was posted, but just today, 9-4-07, when I clicked on the link for the story in the "Profiler" list of stories, another of my stories was attached to the link... who knows why, and that has just happened recently, it wasn't a problem when I first posted it... Sorry for the confusion.

I am also reposting a review I recieved for the story before the link was incorrect. Thank you, and enjoy.

You Were There for Me 

She could feel herself being pulled from sleep. She wasn't really dreaming, but it felt as though she was, as though something was forcing her to stay awake. Her eyes opened suddenly, but not from fear. She lay there for a moment trying to understand what had caused her to stir. Nothing came to her.

She turned over and looked at the clock: 2:17 a.m. Great! This was the first time in weeks she hadn't been up late poring over a profile. For once she had a chance to get some sleep, and here she was awake.

Since the shooting at the university last week, Bailey had given her some time off to regroup. She insisted there wasn't a problem, but he told her she earned the time, so she reluctantly took it. Actually, the more she thought about it, maybe she did need the time. After all, here it was after 2 in the morning, and she was obviously restless.

On the surface, everything seemed fine. Sure, Jason Bendross was her first 'kill' as an agent, but that comes with the job, right? Still, she knew as the shadows moved across the bedroom, that something didn't feel right.

She got up and went to the bathroom to splash some water on her face. She closed the lid on the toilet, sat down, and placed her face in her hands. So much had happened since Christmas: Her brother Danny was in rehab, John had lost Kate, and now the whole ordeal at her alma mater. No wonder she was restless.

She thought about trying to go back to sleep, but somehow she knew it would do no good. She walked back to the bedroom and picked up the phone. She almost hung it up again, but instead she dialed his number.

"Hello?" a groggy voice answered.

"John, I'm really sorry to wake you, this is Rachel."

"Rachel? What's wrong?"

"I know it's really late, and I hate to ask, but do you think we could go for a drive?"

"Um, sure. Just let me pull myself together a little. I'll pick you up in 20 minutes."

John was waiting for her as she came out of her apartment building.

"Hi John, listen, I'm sorry to drag you out in the middle of the night."

"Rachel, its O.K., no problem. I could tell on the phone that you needed to talk." He opened the car door and waited for her to get in, before walking back to the driver's side.

John started the car and pulled out into traffic. Rachel sat in silence for sometime. He didn't press her. Occasionally he glanced from the road to her, patiently waiting for her to open up. He thought he saw a tear trickling down her cheek.

"Well, I don't quite know where to begin, so I'm just going to jump right in," she said.

"I woke up tonight and I just didn't know how to deal with everything that's happened lately. This is really hard for me. Having such a large family, I'm used to being the caretaker, especially when it comes to Danny, and right now there's nothing I can do to help him."

"Rachel, you are helping him. You're visiting him, you're communicating with his doctor, you're trying to understand exactly what led him to choose the path he chose; and most importantly, you love him. There's not much more you can do."

"I know you're right, but it hurts so much to see him like this." She began to cry harder, tears falling silently down her cheeks. John pulled over to the side of the road. He turned to her, took her hand in his, and spoke gently.

"Oh, how I wish I could make you see all the good things you've done, for Danny, for the VCTF. You stepped into an awfully long shadow when you took over for Sam, and it's taken some time, but you've really proven yourself. I'm very proud of you."

Rachel sat for a moment, her hand still in John's, taking in everything he said, willing herself to make her tears subside. She wasn't accustomed to being so vulnerable around him. She was touched that he thought so highly of her, and she realized that despite their rather ambiguous beginning, he was becoming a cherished friend rather than just a close colleague. This realization was a form of permission to her, and as quickly as she tried to stop crying, just as quickly she began to sob openly.

Rachel took off her seat belt as the sobs wracked her body and soul. She folded her hands, propped her elbows on top of her thighs and leaned her forehead helplessly against her clasped hands. Everything in her being begged for consolation.

John moved closer to her and drew her tenderly into his arms. Immediately she clung to him, laying her head on his shoulder. He held her tightly, gently rocking her and stroking her hair.

"Rachel, honey, please tell me what's tormenting you." She tried her best to regain her composure before she spoke. "Oh, John, there's so much, it's almost unbearable." "Let me bear the burden with you, just like you did for me when Kate died," John answered.

With those words, everything began to pour out of her.

"It's not just Danny. Ever since the attacks at my alma mater and my shooting the rapist, I feel like everything is spinning out of control. I haven't been sleeping well, and when I do sleep, I wake up suddenly, not from a nightmare, but as though I'm being pulled against my will."

"I know I had to shoot Jason," she continued. "He beat the hell out of Susan and he was charging toward me. I had to defend myself, but I keep thinking maybe I could have fended him off another way. I just keep seeing him drop to the floor." She paused and took a deep breath.

"Rachel, from what Susan told me, there was no other choice. If you hadn't come into her office when you did, God knows what could have happened. It scares me to even think of it! There's no question this was your baptism of fire. Every agent faces one, and it's a lot to endure. It may take a long time to work through all the emotions churning inside you, but you'll do it. You're one of the strongest people I know."

She smiled at the compliment and caressed his cheek in thanks.

"In the meantime," he said, "cut yourself some slack. You _**are**_ only human. Do the best you can with every day you're given and leave it at that. If you have a bad day, acknowledge it, accept it; and then when a good one comes along, you'll cherish it even more. As tough as things are for you right now, and God they are tough, they will get better. I seem to recall a dear friend of mine telling me that a few weeks ago, after Kate's funeral."

By the time John pulled up in front of her building, the dashboard clock read 5:23 a.m. "Do you want me to stay with you for a bit longer?" he asked. "We could go to breakfast before I head off to work."

"No, that's o.k. I'm going to try to get some sleep and then maybe go for a run, but I will definitely call you later."

"All right, I'll talk to you later then. Let me know if you need anything. You know where I am."

"I will John." She looked at him for a long time.

"Listen, words hardly seem adequate here, but thank you, for everything, really." He took her face in his hands and kissed her forehead and cheek. "You bet."

She got out of the car, grasped his hand for one last second, and then he was gone.

The next night, John stopped by to see how Rachel was doing. "Think you'll be able to sleep any better tonight?" he asked.

"I hope so. Too many nights like last night, and I'll be like the walking dead. To be honest, I am a little nervous about it, but I just have to give myself a break like we talked about and take it one step at a time. I got in touch with a friend of mine today. She's a psychologist. I met her at college when she was a psych intern. She really helped me handle everything when my mom found the lump in her breast. We're going to meet every week for a while until I can sort through everything that's happened."

"Sounds like you're on the right track," he said.

"I think so. It sure feels like I am. Hey, would you like a beer?"

"Yeah, that sounds great."

She took his coat, got the beer from the fridge, and they sat together on the couch. For a long time they sat in a comfortable silence.

Finally, Rachel spoke. "Well, should we make a toast?" "Yes--- to Kate," he said, tearing up. "May she rest with the angels."

Rachel continued, "To Jason's victims. May they find the will and the strength to carry on; and to you John. Your love, compassion and friendship mean more than you know."

Tears cascaded down her cheeks and he squeezed her hand. "I'm just glad I could help, Rachel. After all, you were there for me."

**The End**


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